The "I'm Fine" Signal
Recognizing when competence masks something deeper in coaching
By Mirna Mejia
The Sound of Progress—Or Is It?
As coaches, our ears are primed to listen for blockers—the emotions, limiting beliefs, and internal narratives that get in a client's way.
We're trained to notice friction: hesitation, fear, resistance, self-doubt. So when a client arrives saying, "This seems fine. It's the right thing to do. I can make this work. I'll just let it go and move on—life is too short," it can sound like relief, progress, and resolution for the client.
And let's be honest—it can feel good to us, too. Music to the client's ears, and to ours. (Yes, coaches have egos, too.)
The client takes action. Goals are clarified, organized, made reasonable and achievable. They report back—sometimes enthusiastically, sometimes matter-of-factly—that they're on track. Or they're ready to move on to the next goal, the next task, the next thing to "handle," so they can feel fine again.
On the surface, everything is working. But in my experience, "I'm fine" is rarely the end of the work. More often, it's the beginning.
When "Fine" Becomes a Way of Coping
Many high-functioning clients have learned how to cope extremely well. They are capable, responsible, self-aware, and productive. They don't fall apart under pressure—they organize themselves inside it. They manage emotions by containing them. They adapt by taking responsibility. They keep going.
This way of operating is often praised. It looks like maturity. Stability. Emotional regulation. Entire careers—and identities—are built on it.
And yet, success and competence can quietly camouflage something else. Clients who operate primarily from this stance don't usually present as "burned out" in obvious ways.
They're not overwhelmed or dysregulated. They're not asking for less. Instead, they're asking how to do what they're already doing more efficiently, more effectively, or with fewer emotional bumps along the way.
"I'm tired, but I can handle it."
"It's not ideal, but it makes sense."
"I don't love it, but it's fine."
These statements rarely raise red flags. They sound reasonable. Grounded. Adult.
What Coaches May Overlook
When coaching emphasizes progress, action, and outcomes—as it often does with high-achieving clients—we can unintentionally reinforce over-functioning. When we celebrate follow-through without checking the energetic cost, we may be affirming endurance rather than vitality. When we move quickly to solutions the moment emotions surface, we may be helping clients override information rather than integrate it.
Some subtle signs of emotional suppression coaches may overlook include:
Action Without Relief
Consistent action without a corresponding sense of relief or aliveness
Management Language
Language focused on "handling," "managing," or "pushing through"
Insight Without Compassion
High insight paired with low self-compassion
Cognitive Fatigue
Fatigue described in logistical or cognitive terms rather than emotional ones
Narrowed Emotional Range
A narrowing emotional range in sessions—everything feels neutral, measured, and reasonable
These clients are often praised for being resilient. But resilience, when it becomes the only option, can quietly come at a cost.
Hearing "I'm Fine" as a Signal
I've come to hear "I'm fine" not as closure, but as an invitation.
Fine according to whom? Fine in the short term—or the long term? Fine in the head—but what about the heart? The gut?
What if "fine" is less about alignment with values and more about adaptation?
Sometimes I'll invite a client to slow the moment down. To close their eyes. To imagine where they would genuinely like to be—not where they think they should be, or what seems responsible, realistic, or attainable.
And then I listen carefully.
Does the image feel expansive—or is it immediately dismissed?
Too unrealistic. Too indulgent. Too late. Too risky.
If so, why?
What beliefs surface at that edge? What emotions were never invited into the decision-making process? What had to be set aside in order for "fine" to be chosen?
These questions often open doors to places the client never imagined were relevant.
The Coaching Opportunity Beneath Competence
Clients who cope through responsibility and self-management are not broken.
They are, in many ways, doing just fine. They don't need fixing. What they may need is more room—room for emotions that weren't prioritized, desires that felt impractical, or truths that didn't fit neatly into a "reasonable" plan.
The coaching opportunity is not to dismantle this capacity, but to notice when it has become the only way the client knows how to relate to their life.
That might mean:
  • Slowing the pace instead of accelerating it
  • Naming flatness instead of chasing clarity
  • Asking fewer "what's next?" questions and more "what's true right now?" ones
  • Allowing emotions to inform decisions rather than disrupt them
This kind of coaching doesn't produce immediate answers. It produces contact with desire, grief, longing, and sometimes disappointment.
And it requires us, as coaches, to tolerate not knowing alongside our clients.
Where the Work Actually Begins
From my experience, "I'm fine" or "It's fine" is often where the real work begins.
Not because it's wrong, but because it's incomplete.
When we hear "fine" as information rather than reassurance, we create space for a different kind of conversation - one that doesn't ask clients to function better, but to live with more vitality.
And sometimes, that's the most powerful shift a coach can facilitate.
Mirna Mejia
Mirna Mejia is a Certified Professional Coach and psychologist trained in the Core Energy Leadership Model. She works with leaders and high-achieving professionals to explore burnout, career transitions, and the inner dynamics that shape sustainable, energized success.
Her coaching focuses on helping clients notice what’s beneath the surface—where competence and responsibility may mask depletion—and supporting them in creating alignment between their goals, values, and energy.
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by Merritt Minnemeyer