The Grass-Is-Greener-On-the-Other-Side Syndrome
Understanding why achievement doesn't always bring the happiness we expect — and how to help your clients break the cycle.
By Nicole Cruz
The Achievement Trap
You finally did it. You achieved that goal, bought that new home, finished that degree, got married, had a baby…that thing that was supposed to make life better - only to realize that it wasn't all you thought it would be.
We've all been there. And as coaches, we can help our clients avoid falling into this trap.
Whether it's an occasional miscalculation or a pattern, grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome often follows the same loop: anticipation, effort, achievement — then disappointment and the search for the next thing.
A Mindset Shift Exercise
One way to interrupt this cycle is to encourage an internal check before striving for the next goal:
Do you actually want the thing — or do you just like the idea of the thing?
Here's an example:
Who doesn't want a private island? It sounds amazing. What comes to mind when you imagine it? A Caribbean-style island with palm trees and sandy beaches? You and your loved ones hiking, swimming, or sunbathing all day? The wealth required to afford it? The private jet that takes you there?
Except – wait. There's no airport.
That's fine. You're a billionaire. You can build one. First you have to bring utilities to the island, along with all the construction tools and materials you'll need.
Then environmental activists protest. Researchers appear on the news, warning about a species of bird found only on your island.
Okay, forget the airport — you'll get there by boat. You build an environmentally friendly mansion and somehow get utilities in place. (I don't know much about construction, just go with it!)
But now you need regular access to food and supplies. Or you hunt and gather. And then there's security. Pirates are a real thing. You'll need staff, systems, and protection.
Yes, there are solutions to all of these problems. But pause for a moment and ask yourself again: Do you still want the private island?
Some of you are already thinking, "Screw it, I'll stay at a 5 star resort."
Others would happily live a primitive lifestyle and wouldn't be bothered by six inch poisonous spiders. If that's you, maybe you go beyond the thought exercise and research the realities of owning a private island. Perhaps then you seek out others with firsthand experience. I'm sure there's a "Private Island Owners" Facebook group out there.
If, after understanding the full reality — the upsides and the downsides — you're still a hell yes, then that's a great goal to pursue.
This same process can be applied to anything your clients want to pursue.
01
Think through the downsides
02
Research the reality
03
Ask people who know
I invite you to try this with your clients as a way to support clarity as they choose their path forward.
Questions to Guide Your Clients
As you guide them, these questions may help:
What will change in your life if [desire] happens - positively and negatively?
What might you dislike about [desire]?
Are there aspects of your current life that might be lost?
Clarity isn't about eliminating downsides. It's about consciously choosing which downsides you're willing to live with.
If a client comes to the conclusion that nothing will make them happy – because everything has a downside, and life is hard and full of suffering – I'll address that scenario next.
When They Can't Feel Happy No Matter How Good Things Are
Did you learn that thoughts cause feelings — and that if you're experiencing negative emotions, you should identify the thought behind them and change it?
That isn't always true.
Sometimes it's the exact opposite: Physical issues cause unpleasant sensations (negative feelings) which spur negative thoughts.
In these cases, mindset work like the exercise above doesn't touch the root of the problem.
Sometimes, it feels like nothing can make you happy. Everything has a downside. Life feels hard and full of suffering – even when things are objectively "good."
Let's say you already helped your client to reframe thoughts, practice gratitude, and cultivate a healthier mindset, but they still don't feel better. Their mindset is on point but they still feel like crap.
When this happens, it's time to look beyond mindset and address a client's internal state directly. This includes addressing physical health, hormones, the nervous system, and unconscious patterns — and engaging in practices that support regulation and resilience.
The Four Foundational Pillars
Before assuming the issue is psychological or spiritual, it's helpful to check these four foundational pillars of wellbeing:
Mindfulness
Nutrition
Movement
Stress management
It's important to understand that they are interconnected. ALL of these are important for physical health. ALL of these are important for mental health.
Looking for Root Causes
An inability to feel happy no matter how good things are can stem from food sensitivities, gut issues, inadequate physical activity, overstimulation, sleep deprivation, chronic pain, or living in ways that don't align with one's neurodivergence — among other factors.
This is important knowledge if your coaching practice centers on mindset, mental health, or spirituality. When familiar tools aren't working, look for less obvious root causes.
Understanding Each Pillar
Mindfulness
Mindfulness includes mindset work like the exercise above, meditation, and practices to cultivate present-moment awareness throughout daily life. These are the most obvious interventions for unhappiness but don't always address the root cause.
Nutrition
Nutrition is highly individual. A generic healthy diet backfires for many people. Don't rule out nutrition as a root cause of unhappiness just because your client eats "healthy."
Movement
Movement can include structured exercise, physically active work, or playful activities like sports and dancing. Too little movement — or the wrong type or intensity — can contribute to unhappiness. We each respond differently to various types and intensities of exercise. It takes experimentation to find what works best.
Stress management
Stress management involves a variety of practices from preventing overstimulation to improving sleep quality to cultivating healthy relationships. While sometimes it's obvious that stress is contributing to unhappiness, at other times it's more subtle. Let's say someone is always chasing excitement. They might love it, but in excess it's still taxing on their nervous system.
Baseline Recommendations: Where to Start
Because there are countless practices within each pillar, the question becomes:
Where do you start?
Below are baseline recommendations I offer to nearly every client — not as rigid rules, but as starting points that are safe and broadly supportive in most cases. Consider what your client needs or have them consult a specialist if there is concerns in one of these pillars.
Nutrition
- Make half of what you eat fresh fruit and non-starchy veggies - basically any except starchy veggies like corn, potatoes, cassava, etc.
- Reduce foods from animals to 10-30% of your diet. Experiment within this range to see what works best.
- Prepare 90% of your meals from scratch. Limit processed and restaurant food to 10%.
Mindfulness
- Meditate. Start with as little as a minute a day and build up from there. Encourage your clients to explore the countless types of meditation on YouTube or with a meditation app. For those who hate meditating, walking meditations, focusing on a flame, or trying to hear as many sounds in their surroundings as possible tend to be good ones to start with.
- Relax into negative feelings. Whether physical discomfort or emotions, encourage your clients to relax their bodies and feel it fully. Our reflex to tense up and resist discomfort tends to worsen it, make it last longer, and, if chronic, lead to physical health issues.
- Narrate observations about your thoughts and sensations in objective language, like a scientific report. Instead of "My arm hurts," you could say aloud or in your head, "There is intense heat and pressure in the arm." Instead of "I'm devastated," you could say, "There is heaviness and hardness in the chest." You could also say, "The mind keeps replaying a conversation from earlier."
Movement
- Move. Seriously, just get your clients to add more movement at the beginning.
- Average 1 hour of physical activity per day. Any kind will do, from structured workouts to manual labor to active hobbies. Less some days and more on others is fine.
- Challenge your abilities - safely of course. This will vary based on your client's health, fitness level, and experience. If you're not a fitness professional refrain from prescribing specific exercises or intensities. Instead, encourage them to explore this on their own once cleared by their doctor and perhaps with a fitness pro.
Stress Management
All of the above contribute to stress management, but here are 3 that don't fall into any of the aforementioned categories.
- Avoid overstimulation. If your life is overstimulating due to computer work, a fast paced job, or kids this might mean reducing pleasurable stimulation as well. You may need to shut off music and screens, dim the lights, avoid multitasking, or decline touch and conversations.
- Improve sleep. Sleep until rested when possible. Use sleep hygiene and meditation to improve sleep quality.
- Cultivate strong relationships. This includes emotional intimacy and interdependency. It includes friends, family or chosen family, and life partners.
The Comprehensive Approach
You may be surprised how many challenges soften or resolve when these basics are addressed. They can serve as a complement to the coaching you already provide — a set of foundational checks you can do on your own before referring out. These won't only help clients feel happiness again. You'll often see additional benefits such as healthier biomarkers, clearer focus, and enhanced creativity.
Taking a comprehensive approach that includes mindfulness, movement, nutrition, and stress management is the best way to serve clients who struggle to feel happy. By addressing these twelve basics you can enhance the work you already do or refer out to a coach whose practice compliments your approach.
Most importantly, awareness of these less obvious causes of unhappiness helps to prevent us from missing a hidden problem, leaving our clients on a hamster wheel losing hope and never feeling better.
Takeaways
When a client shows evidence of grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side-syndrome, sometimes a simple mindset shift can fix it.
By considering the downsides of a goal before striving for it they can make more aligned decisions.
Other times, grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome is evidence of a deeper problem, from unconscious conditioning to physical health issues. If your client can't seem to feel happiness no matter how their circumstances change, it's time to take a comprehensive approach that includes checking mindfulness, movement, nutrition, and stress management practices.
Improving their internal state with basic lifestyle adjustments often addresses the root cause of their dissatisfaction, allowing them to connect with their joy.
Nicole Cruz
Nicole Cruz is a Holistic Wellness and Life Coach. She works with those who are forging their own path outside of the mainstream. Her clients are often neurodivergent, entrepreneurs, or facing difficult circumstances.
Nicole merged her backgrounds in holistic health, fitness, and education into a unique practice. Her methods optimize the mind and body to help her clients navigate unique and challenging journeys. She guides them to improve their skills and relationships.
Ultimately, they become the version of themselves who can forge a path to the life they desire - one that aligns with their values and who they are.
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